I hardly ever have any problems falling asleep. However, tonight I lay awake in my bed wondering if all I’ve ever done in my life is running away. For once I wish I wasn’t such a coward, but how can I change something that has become almost a way of life?
I’m always worried about what people think, and the last thing I want is to hurt someone’s feelings, that’s why I’m sure tomorrow I’ll wake up and regret having even thought about it. The uncertainty of not knowing if my job will be sending away soon or not doesn’t help either, but I guess the only thing I can do for now is try to get all this out of my head and take each day as it comes.
Night, night *
Tuesday, 14 December 2010
Wednesday, 8 December 2010
Old age, strip restaurants and the inability to have a “normal” social life
Let’s start from the beginning… so I’m 30 now, and it doesn’t feel any different, but it does fill your mouth when you say it. And the celebration was definitely one to remember.
The plan was a small dinner with a few workmates and an old friend who came to visit, with the twist that is was going to be at a restaurant with strip shows. I was decided to make it something different, so when Liliana suggested it, I could only agree, even if it was completely out of character for me.
It was all good fun, until they tried to make me go and dance around the pole. I froze, I would have disappeared into thin air if I could have, but there came Lili to the rescue to help me get through it. She’s a good friend, right? If only I had any idea of what was coming… which was no less than a lap dance by one of the strippers!! Now I have an answer if anyone asks what was the most embarrassing moment of my life. Still, my face was hurting at the end of so much laughing.
And to finish the weekend… (I have to precise here, after Liliana and her psycho male equivalent meddling for weeks) I was asked to go out for dinner and movie with a workmate. I always wondered how men who are as shy as me would act, and I was able to see it. No complaints, seriously, I don’t think there was any uncomfortable silences, it was all very civilised, and I even got a box of chocolates but… aaaaaaaargh! How do some people make things look so easy!? The problem is I don’t like the guy other than as a friend, that’s why sometimes I felt quite mean, and I’m not mean!!
PS. The new Harry Potter is not worth however much the ticket cost, but it's just an opinion.
The plan was a small dinner with a few workmates and an old friend who came to visit, with the twist that is was going to be at a restaurant with strip shows. I was decided to make it something different, so when Liliana suggested it, I could only agree, even if it was completely out of character for me.
It was all good fun, until they tried to make me go and dance around the pole. I froze, I would have disappeared into thin air if I could have, but there came Lili to the rescue to help me get through it. She’s a good friend, right? If only I had any idea of what was coming… which was no less than a lap dance by one of the strippers!! Now I have an answer if anyone asks what was the most embarrassing moment of my life. Still, my face was hurting at the end of so much laughing.And to finish the weekend… (I have to precise here, after Liliana and her psycho male equivalent meddling for weeks) I was asked to go out for dinner and movie with a workmate. I always wondered how men who are as shy as me would act, and I was able to see it. No complaints, seriously, I don’t think there was any uncomfortable silences, it was all very civilised, and I even got a box of chocolates but… aaaaaaaargh! How do some people make things look so easy!? The problem is I don’t like the guy other than as a friend, that’s why sometimes I felt quite mean, and I’m not mean!!
PS. The new Harry Potter is not worth however much the ticket cost, but it's just an opinion.
Monday, 15 November 2010
Holding Hands
I have never been big on public displays of affection, or private for that matter. And sometimes that makes me feel not only a bit out of place in a Mediterranean touchy-feely culture, but it may also make me come across as very rude and ungrateful. It sometimes bothers me, because people might get the wrong impression, but I still can’t help it. I can have very strong feelings about something and try my hardest not to show it, however, anyone who knows me will admit I am usually very clear when I don’t like something (doing something about it is a completely different matter) and I can imagine that must be quite difficult for other people. How can I be so indifferent and not express my opinions a bit more often, because I have them, believe me…
On the other hand, I don’t know how I would react if people around me acted as cold and stiff as I do. I’ve heard a friend tell me that I would not be able to deal with it because I’m so insecure that I would find difficult not having the constant reassurance of someone telling me what they think or hugging me or even just giving me an approving look, and it might be true, I just hope I don’t need that much reassurance to feel contented.Thinking about all that, I remembered the anecdote someone told me a couple of months ago about sea otters holding hands. From what I could gather, they do it sometimes when they sleep to avoid drifting away. Excuse my ignorance but I had never heard of sea otters before, and I found the story very funny, even lame. On my usual expressionless tone, who cares about cuteness! But as it turns out, I was looking at a Facebook post by the same person, and I could not avoid aww-ing (probably not a word, just my own derivation of the expression aww!). They really are adorable!!!
To anyone suffering my apathy, I hope you can read between the lines, because there is something in here, I’m just not very good at showing it. And if I don’t like someone I don’t even make an effort to talk to them.
Tuesday, 2 November 2010
Apprehension
This week the weather has been terrible; windy, rainy, a big drop in temperatures… you name it. But that also made work a bit more exciting, like being forced into a rollercoaster every time you get close to an aircraft. I feel sorry for all those people with an irrational fear of flying, or the passenger who ended up crying with pain because she could not wait any more to go to the toilet during a very long go around, or the people who got completely soaked by a sudden torrential downpour while trying to board and aircraft… Oh, the joys of flying!
On a different kind of topic, my mood has also been like on a rollercoaster and ended up crying of frustration more than once. There are a lot of new people starting at work, and I don’t feel like meeting them or working with them or socialising with them, but I know I have to, it’s part of life, so I need to stop moaning and try to be nice to them before I carve myself a horrible reputation.And then, there’s also been an opening for a different position within the company that I would love to get. I have already applied, so now I can only wait, and then probably wait a bit more, until I realise that I’m never going to be called for an interview. However, I’ve been having all those thoughts of how it would feel getting it, having to leave Porto and this house, struggling to settle in a new place, missing the people… and I was wondering if I would have applied so quickly if my situation was different. Would I risk ruining a relationship by moving away? Or would any man even take that into consideration if it was him deciding between his career and his personal life?
And, of course, after so much overthinking I got peckish and decided to bake another batch of cupcakes, coffee and walnut this time. I couldn’t wait to try my new muffin tin, although it’s not a tin because it’s made of silicone, and the result looks quite good, I think. This time I decided to take a recipe for a cake and turn it into muffins, much easier to handle, but I still have a few untested muffin recipes, so there will be more to come. And I don’t see the harm in something that makes me happy, so all those preconceited people who think my hobbies are sad or laughable can screw themselves (excuse my language).
Thursday, 21 October 2010
And then came Hamburg…
I had been planning this holiday for so long that I was scared shitless that it would all go wrong and regret it for a long time, so I tried my hardest to keep my expectations low, so I wouldn’t be so disappointed when things turned out a bit less exciting than I expected. Fortunately that never happened, and the two weeks just flew past and it left me wanting more.
First of all the course was quite productive, I managed to remember a good deal of all the German I had forgotten in the last 7 years… I probably should try to write something in German to prove it, maybe I’ll try…
Then there was a bunch people I met at the Goethe Institut, other students, that helped me enjoy up to the last minute of it. There was always something organized for us by the Goethe in the afternoons, and that often led to having a few drinks, or dinner, so getting homework ready for the next day wasn’t always easy.
And the city was very interesting too. Forget about Reeperbahn, I didn’t have time to go out around there… I’ve never been to Vegas, but to me it was the German equivalent, a bit too much neon and fake excitement for an old prude like me. But the small bars around St. Pauli, quite charming and individual, or the popular Sternschanze were more to my taste. The only thing I regretted was not having a cocktail at a posh rooftop bar with views to the port of Hamburg, but that required too much initiative or preparation, and we all know that’s not my forte. But, hey, I’ve had more Astra beer than I ever thought I would, I ate the best cheesecake in the world, and enjoyed a lot of walks around the city (both with and without guides).
I would also like to think that I’ll manage to keep in contact with some of the people I met. I’m thinking of one person in particular, but I could be referring to anyone, really. Because that’s what happens in these cases, you get quite close to someone, I guess there has to be some kind of connection at some level, but you think you’re stronger than you really are, concentrate on having fun and not worry about consequences and then, one week later, try to say goodbye without making a big fuss. And the thing is, that’s the way it’s supposed to be, people will make a small effort of pretending things are normal when they really are not, and we all know you’re not going to see them again, which is always a shame, but we all need to go back to our own lives and jobs, and all those people will only be a blurred memory in a very short time.
First of all the course was quite productive, I managed to remember a good deal of all the German I had forgotten in the last 7 years… I probably should try to write something in German to prove it, maybe I’ll try…
Then there was a bunch people I met at the Goethe Institut, other students, that helped me enjoy up to the last minute of it. There was always something organized for us by the Goethe in the afternoons, and that often led to having a few drinks, or dinner, so getting homework ready for the next day wasn’t always easy.
And the city was very interesting too. Forget about Reeperbahn, I didn’t have time to go out around there… I’ve never been to Vegas, but to me it was the German equivalent, a bit too much neon and fake excitement for an old prude like me. But the small bars around St. Pauli, quite charming and individual, or the popular Sternschanze were more to my taste. The only thing I regretted was not having a cocktail at a posh rooftop bar with views to the port of Hamburg, but that required too much initiative or preparation, and we all know that’s not my forte. But, hey, I’ve had more Astra beer than I ever thought I would, I ate the best cheesecake in the world, and enjoyed a lot of walks around the city (both with and without guides).
I would also like to think that I’ll manage to keep in contact with some of the people I met. I’m thinking of one person in particular, but I could be referring to anyone, really. Because that’s what happens in these cases, you get quite close to someone, I guess there has to be some kind of connection at some level, but you think you’re stronger than you really are, concentrate on having fun and not worry about consequences and then, one week later, try to say goodbye without making a big fuss. And the thing is, that’s the way it’s supposed to be, people will make a small effort of pretending things are normal when they really are not, and we all know you’re not going to see them again, which is always a shame, but we all need to go back to our own lives and jobs, and all those people will only be a blurred memory in a very short time.So eventually comes the time when you have to go back to work and readjust to your old routine, in my case that happened far too soon, when your body is here but your head is still trying to get round to the fact that you’re again in the same old place with the same old people. On Friday I went to class and said goodbye to everyone in the evening, flew back on Saturday and went back to work on Sunday morning, what a marathon after two weeks without a proper rest. And this it’s not a bad place to be… but. There is always a but. In this case I had to listen to someone tell me that what you experience during a holiday has nothing to do with living in the place, and that I should come back to planet earth and stop daydreaming. I can’t say it didn’t feel like a slap, but that doesn’t make it less true.
As a summary I’ll say, the course was too short, the city is a great place to be, the people made everything much more fun, the hardest thing was realizing that life is not a permanent holiday and, finally, despite the fact that it wouldn’t be the same, I still want to try a transfer to Bremen.
And until then, I need to keep my head high, and enjoy the lovely people around me, that don’t deserve to hear me moan or see me go scarily quiet getting lost in my own thoughts. Life goes on, and who knows what tomorrow awaits for us.
Monday, 4 October 2010
20 years of a great country
And finally, here I am!! I’ve been in Germany for 5 days already, and tomorrow class starts. Until now, it has been anything but a disappointment. I’ve seen a good amount of ruinous castles, eaten piles of local delicacies, and drunken bucket loads of different kinds of yellowy liquids produced in Germany, not bad, eh?
Food, let me think… Zwiebelkuchen, Flammkuchen, Schweinshaxe, Sauerkraut, Schwarzwaldkuchen… I don’t think I could have done it all in one day. And then yesterday I arrived in Hamburg and was invited to have dinner with the host family and they had wild mushrooms. And I still haven’t had any German sausage!!! And then the drink, normal beer (whichever the local breweries are), Heffe Weiβe, Riesling, neues Wein…
I almost forget!! Also yesterday was the day of the German unification, a bank holiday if it didn’t fall on Sunday. I was in this country 10 years ago for the 10 year anniversary, and destiny brought me back for the 20 years celebration. Will I be back for the 30th?
Saturday, 18 September 2010
Cupcakes and a fairy tale town
My mood is a bit erratic, as usual, but in between my grumpy days there’s been a good deal of things happening. I can’t complain. Although my social life is hitting rock bottom once again (and I probably am the only one to blame), it seems like this last stretch of the summer has been quite productive, and the few plans I had didn’t get cancelled.
One of the things that kept me in a good mood for a few days were my cobweb chocolate cupcakes. One of my workmates had been asking me for a couple of weeks to bake something. She’s lazy and the biggest gossip around, but I prefer to keep her on her good side... Anyway, I obviously felt like baking, and I had a whole week to plan what I was going to make, find a recipe, and then put it into practice, but I think it was worth it. The recipe came out of the BBC website and, as you can see, the result wasn’t too bad. The only problem is that I definitely need to get a muffin tin so they don’t flatten so much when baking. Other than that, I think the recipe works fine.
One of the things that kept me in a good mood for a few days were my cobweb chocolate cupcakes. One of my workmates had been asking me for a couple of weeks to bake something. She’s lazy and the biggest gossip around, but I prefer to keep her on her good side... Anyway, I obviously felt like baking, and I had a whole week to plan what I was going to make, find a recipe, and then put it into practice, but I think it was worth it. The recipe came out of the BBC website and, as you can see, the result wasn’t too bad. The only problem is that I definitely need to get a muffin tin so they don’t flatten so much when baking. Other than that, I think the recipe works fine. 
The other thing keeping me busy was our weekend in Sintra. That little devil of a flatmate that I have got a free 2 night hotel stay, so we decided to make the most of it and get away from Porto for 3 days and visit Sintra, a beautiful fairy tale town not too far from Lisbon. The weather was great, and the place exceeded my expectations. It’s set on a hill top, overlooked by a Moor Castle and the extravagantly coloured palace of Pena, and surrounded by shady forests and an incredible amount of villas, most of them built around the turn of the XX century, which make it a World Heritage Site. One of them, Quinta da Regaleira, now turned into a museum, kept us occupied for a whole morning. Of course, we also had to go to Lisbon, but it was more a moral obligation than a pleasure. No offense to all the inhabitants of the Portuguese capital, but we weren’t in the mood for traffic or sticky hot weather; I’m sure it’s worth visiting at a different time in the year.
And then there is the countdown for my long awaited holiday in Germany. I can’t tell you how much I want to visit the south of Germany for the first time, and later go on my own little adventure of my German course in Hamburg. Only 9 days to gooooo!!!!!!
Thursday, 26 August 2010
Long Way...
As always I feel like I haven’t done anything worth talking about in the last few days. However, here I am sitting in front of the computer thinking that I’ve just watched the most inspiring series of documentaries. Forget about boring nature, or educative history/archaeology/palaeontology, or the typical rancid travel documentary.
I was thinking the other day that the last few months I lived in the UK I was constantly watching TV. A big chunk of that time I was watching sitcoms or CSI kind of shows, but I would also sit through a lot programmes like Megastructures, the Bear Gills ones, Grand Designs, etc. The one I never caught on any channel and sounded quite interesting was Long Way Round.
Yes, I know, another Ewan McGregor thing, but don’t worry, I’m not going to go the teenager way and watch every single movie he ever worked on. I draw the line at Starwars...
But this is different; it’s really catchy for a documentary. After watching the first 2 episodes I couldn’t stop, I couldn’t wait to see what hardship and adventures they went through. Of course they had support, publicity and all the help that being famous attracts wherever you are in the world, especially if you are being followed by TV cameras, but all those muddy dirt tracks, and camping, and not knowing if they are going to make it to the next town are so exciting to watch...
And as always I end up daydreaming about that idea that I had some time ago, that I would like to do a road trip across America (in a car, of course), from New York to LA... A dream is always a dream, but who knows? Maybe one day I will manage to make it come true.
I was thinking the other day that the last few months I lived in the UK I was constantly watching TV. A big chunk of that time I was watching sitcoms or CSI kind of shows, but I would also sit through a lot programmes like Megastructures, the Bear Gills ones, Grand Designs, etc. The one I never caught on any channel and sounded quite interesting was Long Way Round.Yes, I know, another Ewan McGregor thing, but don’t worry, I’m not going to go the teenager way and watch every single movie he ever worked on. I draw the line at Starwars...
But this is different; it’s really catchy for a documentary. After watching the first 2 episodes I couldn’t stop, I couldn’t wait to see what hardship and adventures they went through. Of course they had support, publicity and all the help that being famous attracts wherever you are in the world, especially if you are being followed by TV cameras, but all those muddy dirt tracks, and camping, and not knowing if they are going to make it to the next town are so exciting to watch...
And as always I end up daydreaming about that idea that I had some time ago, that I would like to do a road trip across America (in a car, of course), from New York to LA... A dream is always a dream, but who knows? Maybe one day I will manage to make it come true.
Wednesday, 18 August 2010
Happy Ending
"Happy Ending" by Mika
This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell
This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday
This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on
This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday
This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love [repeat]
I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday
This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.
In other words...
The last couple of days I’ve been feeling quite down. Loneliness is never too far away even when I’m surrounded by people, and I can’t help but think that what seemed to be a recovery over the last year or so, has turned out to be a mirage, and I was trying to convince myself that things were getting better. In fact, I so desperately wanted things to get better that I forced myself to act as if everything was ok. But that’s very tiring.
What helped me believe things were actually on the up was that for the first time someone seemed to pay a small amount of attention to me. I can’t say that didn’t make me feel over the moon while it lasted, but the key part of it is the “while it lasted”, because of course it didn’t, leaving me with the feeling that I didn’t deserve the attention in the first place, and making me sink even deeper in my own desperation.
A way out? If there is one, it’s a long way away. I just hope my so called friends don’t get tired of my moaning.
But then, as suddenly as it came, this serious case of PMS cured itself, and this afternoon I decided that all I can do is what I’ve been doing all along. Keep going, never stop making plans for myself, and look at the bright side of things. How long is it gonna last? That’s a good question, but in case I need some reasons to be happy about myself in the next few weeks and months, this is the result of my reasoning:
This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell
This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday
This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on
This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday
This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love [repeat]
I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday
This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.
In other words...
The last couple of days I’ve been feeling quite down. Loneliness is never too far away even when I’m surrounded by people, and I can’t help but think that what seemed to be a recovery over the last year or so, has turned out to be a mirage, and I was trying to convince myself that things were getting better. In fact, I so desperately wanted things to get better that I forced myself to act as if everything was ok. But that’s very tiring.
What helped me believe things were actually on the up was that for the first time someone seemed to pay a small amount of attention to me. I can’t say that didn’t make me feel over the moon while it lasted, but the key part of it is the “while it lasted”, because of course it didn’t, leaving me with the feeling that I didn’t deserve the attention in the first place, and making me sink even deeper in my own desperation.
A way out? If there is one, it’s a long way away. I just hope my so called friends don’t get tired of my moaning.
But then, as suddenly as it came, this serious case of PMS cured itself, and this afternoon I decided that all I can do is what I’ve been doing all along. Keep going, never stop making plans for myself, and look at the bright side of things. How long is it gonna last? That’s a good question, but in case I need some reasons to be happy about myself in the next few weeks and months, this is the result of my reasoning:
- I’m back on track on my loan repayments, so my money problems are on the way to solving themselves. If I’ve had patience until now, I can wait a bit longer.
- I have an amazing family, and a few very good friends that I trust will be there for me come rain or shine (men will come and go -especially go- but family and friends will still be there).
- If I’ve managed to enchant a few frogs and turn them into prince charmings temporarily, I can probably do it again. Not that it should be a priority at all; it’s just proof that I’m not completely unlikeable.
- If I managed to get a degree (however useless one), and be able to keep a job (even get a commendation from time to time) I can’t be that stupid.
Summarising, I’m a catch: money wise (not rich just jet), loving, pretty, clever... hahahaha!! Should I add funny to the list? Maybe I’ve just discovered comedy is one of my hidden talents... or maybe not...
Tuesday, 17 August 2010
Cubic Houses
One minute I’m watching the latest Tom Cruise mission impossible type movie, the next I’m researching all over the internet about tin roofs. And what do I find? Cubic houses... So much seventies cool and idealism, that luckily was conceived in a country with some respect for town planning, otherwise they would have been bulldozered the minute they started to look a bit run down, instead of giving them a cool new tin roof.
On a rare lucid moment I put my sorrows behind and started reading about one of the things that doesn’t ever bore me, buildings. As I said, it all started when I was watching “Knight and day”. Silly movie as hell, so I was paying attention to all kind of uninteresting details. One of the scenes you can see Mr. Cruise escaping from the bad guys running above some old city’s roofs and jumping from building to building over some inexplicably pristine tin roofs. That made me think that the only time I saw a real tin roof close up was when my friend Sylvia lived in an attic flat back when we were in uni. I was wondering about that when I had the magnificent idea of reading a bit about it on the internet. I ended up in some Dutch company’s website ( http://www.nedzink.nl/ ), and among the examples they were giving of their work were the “cubic houses”. As always, one thing leads to another, and I was fascinated by the design and could not pass the opportunity of having a look at it in more detail.
There is a website (although quite outdated) that explains the whole concept of the cubic houses, the history of the project and a brief biography of the architect. If you are as crazy as me, you can have look at it.
http://www.kubuswoning.nl/
Back to the movie, Knight and Day... you can imagine, Tom Cruise on a “mission impossible” style role, pretty innocent girl that turns out to be a hero, conspiracies, and an astonishing lack of research (whoever decided the San Fermin bull runs take place in Seville should have lost his/her job). I think I’ve already talked enough about it. Totally not worth it.
On a rare lucid moment I put my sorrows behind and started reading about one of the things that doesn’t ever bore me, buildings. As I said, it all started when I was watching “Knight and day”. Silly movie as hell, so I was paying attention to all kind of uninteresting details. One of the scenes you can see Mr. Cruise escaping from the bad guys running above some old city’s roofs and jumping from building to building over some inexplicably pristine tin roofs. That made me think that the only time I saw a real tin roof close up was when my friend Sylvia lived in an attic flat back when we were in uni. I was wondering about that when I had the magnificent idea of reading a bit about it on the internet. I ended up in some Dutch company’s website ( http://www.nedzink.nl/ ), and among the examples they were giving of their work were the “cubic houses”. As always, one thing leads to another, and I was fascinated by the design and could not pass the opportunity of having a look at it in more detail.There is a website (although quite outdated) that explains the whole concept of the cubic houses, the history of the project and a brief biography of the architect. If you are as crazy as me, you can have look at it.
http://www.kubuswoning.nl/Back to the movie, Knight and Day... you can imagine, Tom Cruise on a “mission impossible” style role, pretty innocent girl that turns out to be a hero, conspiracies, and an astonishing lack of research (whoever decided the San Fermin bull runs take place in Seville should have lost his/her job). I think I’ve already talked enough about it. Totally not worth it.
Thursday, 12 August 2010
Sexy knickers
Thongs or pants? This is the eternal question. I agree that nice underwear makes you feel better about yourself and that there is no woman in the world who doesn’t have a few embarrassingly old or big pieces of underwear in their drawer. However, I’ll never agree that it’s unacceptable to undress in front of a man wearing anything other than a thong. Call me old-fashioned, or prude (as my flatmate loves to call me) but I hate them. For me underwear can be as small as you want but it has to cover at least part of my butt cheeks. Although in this case I have to agree with her that I need to go underwear shopping, I have far too many embarrassing pieces and too little “feel-good-factor” ones (forget about sexy, who knows when there will be another person who will want to see me take them off).
Is she going to succeed in “sexyfying” me? Well, I’ve been worse than I am, but there is sooooo much room for improvement that it can’t be too hard. I’m going to offer a good deal of resistance though, I’m too stuck in my old ways, hehehe. But all I have to say is: It all depends on my state of mind, if I feel good about myself, I’ll make a bigger effort, not because I convince myself that I need to look good, but because it comes naturally out of me.
On a completely different topic, last night there was yet another staff party. The first one that I didn’t go. And apparently people were surprised to see my flatmate there but not me. I never thought I was carving myself a reputation of party girl. Funny!!
So what have I been up to lately? Not much, I have finally stated having weekends off, and that means... partyyyyy!!!!!! I think this is where the reputation comes from. Four or five weeks in a row, that must be a record. Other than that, it has been hot as hell, so we’ve been hitting the beach a few days. And that’s why there are no pictures anywhere... Drunk or semi naked people don’t exactly make the best photos (unless the one on the pictures is famous and you are on the paparazzi business). Ooooohhhhh!!!! I’ve just realised there is no photos of me around here... maybe someday I’ll find a remedy to that.
Is she going to succeed in “sexyfying” me? Well, I’ve been worse than I am, but there is sooooo much room for improvement that it can’t be too hard. I’m going to offer a good deal of resistance though, I’m too stuck in my old ways, hehehe. But all I have to say is: It all depends on my state of mind, if I feel good about myself, I’ll make a bigger effort, not because I convince myself that I need to look good, but because it comes naturally out of me.
On a completely different topic, last night there was yet another staff party. The first one that I didn’t go. And apparently people were surprised to see my flatmate there but not me. I never thought I was carving myself a reputation of party girl. Funny!!
So what have I been up to lately? Not much, I have finally stated having weekends off, and that means... partyyyyy!!!!!! I think this is where the reputation comes from. Four or five weeks in a row, that must be a record. Other than that, it has been hot as hell, so we’ve been hitting the beach a few days. And that’s why there are no pictures anywhere... Drunk or semi naked people don’t exactly make the best photos (unless the one on the pictures is famous and you are on the paparazzi business). Ooooohhhhh!!!! I’ve just realised there is no photos of me around here... maybe someday I’ll find a remedy to that.
Friday, 30 July 2010
Conspiracies
Why can´t people be straightforward and say what they think, do what they believe it’s best and stop conspiring against everyone else; stop thinking that everyone has something to hide and just get on with their lives. Some of us have things to hide, not because they are worth hiding, just out of sheer embarrassment, and I probably always will until I learn how to laugh at myself, but that’s not likely to happen soon, so I’ll keep a bit of mystery about myself for now...
All this comes to my mind after watching The Ghost Writer. I only watched it because I had nothing better to do, and the sight of Ewan McGregor for 2 hours didn’t seem like such a bad idea, but I quickly got tired of all the mystery, spying, etc. Although I should have expected it, I get really tired of all this cold war American conspiracy theories that the CIA controls everything, knows everything and will kill to avoid the truth getting out (I’ve probably just butchered the movie if you haven’t watched it), but come on!!! Still, to be fair I have to say the movie is not bad, I just wasn't in the mood for that kind of story.
On the other hand, lately I’ve been watching The Big Bang Theory. It’s funny to watch a bunch of socially inadequate geeks interact with the rest of the world. I suppose everybody picks a favourite character on shows like this. In this case I think Sheldon is the best, his conversation skills are like reading a textbook on social conventions, just great. It must be my own insecurities that make me sympathise with the characters... I don’t know, but I’m getting addicted. And I don’t care if my flatmate thinks it’s a guy’s show. I tend to agree with my sister who once said that she’s happy that she works with machines, because people are too complicated.
All this comes to my mind after watching The Ghost Writer. I only watched it because I had nothing better to do, and the sight of Ewan McGregor for 2 hours didn’t seem like such a bad idea, but I quickly got tired of all the mystery, spying, etc. Although I should have expected it, I get really tired of all this cold war American conspiracy theories that the CIA controls everything, knows everything and will kill to avoid the truth getting out (I’ve probably just butchered the movie if you haven’t watched it), but come on!!! Still, to be fair I have to say the movie is not bad, I just wasn't in the mood for that kind of story.
On the other hand, lately I’ve been watching The Big Bang Theory. It’s funny to watch a bunch of socially inadequate geeks interact with the rest of the world. I suppose everybody picks a favourite character on shows like this. In this case I think Sheldon is the best, his conversation skills are like reading a textbook on social conventions, just great. It must be my own insecurities that make me sympathise with the characters... I don’t know, but I’m getting addicted. And I don’t care if my flatmate thinks it’s a guy’s show. I tend to agree with my sister who once said that she’s happy that she works with machines, because people are too complicated.
Friday, 9 July 2010
New house, new life?
I recently moved to a new house with a workmate. The house is in a better area of the city, brand new, and we now pay less rent than living on our own, so it should all be good but, is it? I’ve been quite busy lately, with the move and trying to get a social life outside the house. However, things haven’t changed that much.
And then after my efforts to meet other people (have I really made any effort?) I end up watching the football at home on my own. Not that I’m football crazy, but a match like this cannot be missed... and the world cup is only every 4 years, so I have an excuse, I hope. Anyway, it’s not every day that you can see your national team reach a world cup final.
OMG!! Do I ever stop moaning? I need to stop or I’ll have to agree my ex could have been right sometimes, and I can’t let that happen...
Anyway, the house is great, we are more or less settled now, after a week with no gas or hot water... and it has the most amazing terrace. It’s a shame we haven’t been able to enjoy it yet because it’s been too hot, and we have no outdoors furniture. A couple of chairs and a little table would be nice, but I don’t think that’s going to happen any time soon. I can’t wait to make a big dinner and get a few people together in here (if possible with a few bottles of wine, hehe).
I still have my own obsessions and frustrations that I try to keep to myself. The problem is that, it’s what I always do, try to bury things at the back of my mind instead of facing reality and doing something about it. Specially the last few weeks I’ve been too busy trying to help a friend get over hear own broken heart and organise the move, but then, as always, the truth comes out, and I get a good telling off from the same friend, because I shouldn’t keep things quiet like that, that she would do anything she could to help me. But what do I want? I wish I could be cold and stop feeling lonely, but I can’t; or I wish I had enough self confidence in myself to pursue my own interests, but I don’t think I can take being rejected for the third time by the same person. I know myself, I’ll end up doing nothing about it and later regret it for being such a chicken. How can I let her know? Would that help in any way? I want people to tell me the truth, but then I don’t want to hear it because it’s too painful and retreat to my own fantasy world, but I’m already too old for that.
And then after my efforts to meet other people (have I really made any effort?) I end up watching the football at home on my own. Not that I’m football crazy, but a match like this cannot be missed... and the world cup is only every 4 years, so I have an excuse, I hope. Anyway, it’s not every day that you can see your national team reach a world cup final.
OMG!! Do I ever stop moaning? I need to stop or I’ll have to agree my ex could have been right sometimes, and I can’t let that happen...
Anyway, the house is great, we are more or less settled now, after a week with no gas or hot water... and it has the most amazing terrace. It’s a shame we haven’t been able to enjoy it yet because it’s been too hot, and we have no outdoors furniture. A couple of chairs and a little table would be nice, but I don’t think that’s going to happen any time soon. I can’t wait to make a big dinner and get a few people together in here (if possible with a few bottles of wine, hehe).
I’ve been thinking, and I can’t remember having done anything special lately, no new books, or movies, or recipes, or anything else for that matter. The most interesting thing I’ve done lately was a “little walk” to explore the area around the house, which ended up in a 10 Km round trip around the last bit of the Douro to Foz, then up the coast towards Matosinhos, lunch at the edificio transparente and finaly up avenida de Boavista to get back home. I said “little walk” because we only intended to check out where the nearest shops were, but ended up walking for hours, it was kind of cool though...
Monday, 21 June 2010
“Cool” people
I have never been part of the “cool” group of people wherever I go and that makes me feel insecure. I don’t feel comfortable in big groups of people and seek refuge among a couple of good friends. Sometimes I think it’s not normal being as shy as I am, but then I realise I’ve always been like that. Sometimes I think I’ve got better with the years, others I think I should seek professional help...
All this comes to my mind because, for the first few months in Porto, people were getting the feel of each other, trying to figure out who got on with whom, but since the good weather started things seem to have settled down. Definite groups are starting to form, and I don’t seem to be part of any of them. There is the “cool” people that meet at the beach, go to concerts or on nights out together... a lot of other people have their own lives and friends, and everybody else more or less have their own circle of friends that they will meet whenever. As always, I get on with everybody, but seek refuge in the company of one or two friends, always too worried about standing out for the wrong reasons and feeling like I don’t really fit in anywhere. For god sake!! I’m almost 30 and still behaving like a bloody teenager!!!
Obviously my last love life fiasco has not done anything to improve my self-esteem. After months of talking, going to the cinema a few times and a couple of other “outings”, I was starting to really like this guy. The general opinion was that he was finding it hard to deal with a recent separation, so I tried to convince myself that things would never go further. I noticed he was acting wierd for a few days, then, he called me one day to say we should just be “friends” and avoid getting into anything more confusing (when, in fact, it was just an euphemism for being polite for a few days and avoiding each other afterwards). I tried to act cool, not show my disappointment, the problem is, even if I could see it coming, that was the last thing I wanted to hear... But what could I expect; I’m the invisible one... I don’t enjoy attracting attention and don’t stand out for anything; I’m not ugly, but I’m no beauty either; I’m nice to everyone and have a pleasant temperament (I think) but not one of those people that wins everyone with their personality; I like going out, but I’m not the centre of any party... You see where I’m heading to? Next to the definition of dull there should be a picture with my face.
Then a couple of days ago I came to the realization that it’s not anyone in particular that I miss (although I would have an obvious choice) but the idea of not being on my own. And this is even more frustrating, since I’m trying to convince myself that my life is not going to change, and that I need to start making plans for the future on my own.
An Education...
Is that what respectable ladies used to do until they found a suitable husband? Is it still the case? Maybe I should have settled for the first nice guy that showed some interest in me instead or pursuing any kind of intellectual and personal goal. It’s funny how this film is all politically correct just by setting it during the 50s, I suppose the subject would be quite controversial if it was set in 21st century Britain.
I only watched it because it had a couple of Oscar nominations (I couldn’t say how many or if it got them) and someone’s recommendation. Also the fact that it’s just over 1h 30m helped me choose it (it seems you have to make a film over 3 hours to turn it into a classic... rubbish!). It started quite well when I saw the screenplay was written by Nick Hornby. I’ve read a couple of his books and I liked them. It all looked quite promising and it didn’t disappoint me. There aren’t any great heroes, or special effects, but there is quite an inspiring personal story with a happy ending, even if not a romantic one. Who needs romantic comedies anyway!
Auch! I’ve just realised the director is Danish... now I understand the recommendation!!!
All this comes to my mind because, for the first few months in Porto, people were getting the feel of each other, trying to figure out who got on with whom, but since the good weather started things seem to have settled down. Definite groups are starting to form, and I don’t seem to be part of any of them. There is the “cool” people that meet at the beach, go to concerts or on nights out together... a lot of other people have their own lives and friends, and everybody else more or less have their own circle of friends that they will meet whenever. As always, I get on with everybody, but seek refuge in the company of one or two friends, always too worried about standing out for the wrong reasons and feeling like I don’t really fit in anywhere. For god sake!! I’m almost 30 and still behaving like a bloody teenager!!!
Obviously my last love life fiasco has not done anything to improve my self-esteem. After months of talking, going to the cinema a few times and a couple of other “outings”, I was starting to really like this guy. The general opinion was that he was finding it hard to deal with a recent separation, so I tried to convince myself that things would never go further. I noticed he was acting wierd for a few days, then, he called me one day to say we should just be “friends” and avoid getting into anything more confusing (when, in fact, it was just an euphemism for being polite for a few days and avoiding each other afterwards). I tried to act cool, not show my disappointment, the problem is, even if I could see it coming, that was the last thing I wanted to hear... But what could I expect; I’m the invisible one... I don’t enjoy attracting attention and don’t stand out for anything; I’m not ugly, but I’m no beauty either; I’m nice to everyone and have a pleasant temperament (I think) but not one of those people that wins everyone with their personality; I like going out, but I’m not the centre of any party... You see where I’m heading to? Next to the definition of dull there should be a picture with my face.
Then a couple of days ago I came to the realization that it’s not anyone in particular that I miss (although I would have an obvious choice) but the idea of not being on my own. And this is even more frustrating, since I’m trying to convince myself that my life is not going to change, and that I need to start making plans for the future on my own.
An Education...Is that what respectable ladies used to do until they found a suitable husband? Is it still the case? Maybe I should have settled for the first nice guy that showed some interest in me instead or pursuing any kind of intellectual and personal goal. It’s funny how this film is all politically correct just by setting it during the 50s, I suppose the subject would be quite controversial if it was set in 21st century Britain.
I only watched it because it had a couple of Oscar nominations (I couldn’t say how many or if it got them) and someone’s recommendation. Also the fact that it’s just over 1h 30m helped me choose it (it seems you have to make a film over 3 hours to turn it into a classic... rubbish!). It started quite well when I saw the screenplay was written by Nick Hornby. I’ve read a couple of his books and I liked them. It all looked quite promising and it didn’t disappoint me. There aren’t any great heroes, or special effects, but there is quite an inspiring personal story with a happy ending, even if not a romantic one. Who needs romantic comedies anyway!
Auch! I’ve just realised the director is Danish... now I understand the recommendation!!!
Tuesday, 8 June 2010
Projects
I think I’ve always been quite relaxed and never considered myself very determined, but all the changes in my life during the last year and a half have made me realise that I have to start taking charge of my destiny, and that if I don’t do now the things that I’ve always dreamt of, maybe I’ll never have the chance again. After years of lethargy, I seem to have suddenly woken up (or that’s how it feels to me, compared to my old life), and new projects and new plans for the future keep appearing everywhere... And then I think, isn’t that what keeps us alive?
Workwise, I work and live in Porto now, and I think it’s quite a nice city, however, I haven’t spent here a whole year yet and I’m already thinking this weather is not for me, and it’s not the endless months of rain and wind that bother me, it’s the relentless sunshine and heat that are getting on my nerves... So the idea is that, in a year’s time, when my financial situation is a bit better, I’m going to try to transfer somewhere in the north of Europe. My plan is to try my luck with Bremen. Another option would be a hypothetical promotion. If there were any openings in the future I would definitely be applying... more money plus the chance of travelling for real and not just landing at some remote airport on a 25 min. turnaround and more money doesn’t sound bad at all.
On the other hand, I’ve also been quite busy making plans of what to do with my spare time. Being close to home allows me to take part in some band rehearsals and play a bit of bagpipes from time to time, which is really cool. But the thing that’s been most exciting lately is my trip to Hamburg this October. It’s not to everyone’s taste, in fact I can’t think of anyone who would spend their holidays doing a German course, but to me it sounds quite good. I have plenty of free time, so I don’t really need a holiday to relax, I want to do something, see new places, learn new things...
However, those who know me well will also know that I also have veeery lazy days like today. I woke up, managed to force myself through a 35 minute video workout (that’s something I’ll need to explain some other day), had a shower, cooked some lunch, and after watching a few episodes of The Big Bang Theory and go through a whole week’s worth of ironing I decided to make some brownies (which will be my treat to whoever has the bad luck of doing a 12 h shift with me tomorrow), and after all this frantic activity I’ll finish it off with a nice cup of tea and a book. Exhausting, right?
Do they look good? Well, they taste even better ;) I copied the recipe many years ago from a packet of Nestlé fondant chocolate and it goes like this:
Ingredients:
• 200 gr. fondant chocolate
• 200 gr. sugar
• 200 gr. flour
• 125 gr. butter
• 3 eggs
• 200 gr. roughly chopped walnuts
Preparation:
Melt the chocolate and the butter in bain marie. Beat the eggs with the sugar and then add the melted chocolate and butter. Fold in the flour. Stir in the chopped walnuts. Pour into a rectangular oven dish and bake for 25 min. at 180º C.
Very simple and very yummy. If this inspires you to do some baking, enjoy!
Workwise, I work and live in Porto now, and I think it’s quite a nice city, however, I haven’t spent here a whole year yet and I’m already thinking this weather is not for me, and it’s not the endless months of rain and wind that bother me, it’s the relentless sunshine and heat that are getting on my nerves... So the idea is that, in a year’s time, when my financial situation is a bit better, I’m going to try to transfer somewhere in the north of Europe. My plan is to try my luck with Bremen. Another option would be a hypothetical promotion. If there were any openings in the future I would definitely be applying... more money plus the chance of travelling for real and not just landing at some remote airport on a 25 min. turnaround and more money doesn’t sound bad at all.
On the other hand, I’ve also been quite busy making plans of what to do with my spare time. Being close to home allows me to take part in some band rehearsals and play a bit of bagpipes from time to time, which is really cool. But the thing that’s been most exciting lately is my trip to Hamburg this October. It’s not to everyone’s taste, in fact I can’t think of anyone who would spend their holidays doing a German course, but to me it sounds quite good. I have plenty of free time, so I don’t really need a holiday to relax, I want to do something, see new places, learn new things...
However, those who know me well will also know that I also have veeery lazy days like today. I woke up, managed to force myself through a 35 minute video workout (that’s something I’ll need to explain some other day), had a shower, cooked some lunch, and after watching a few episodes of The Big Bang Theory and go through a whole week’s worth of ironing I decided to make some brownies (which will be my treat to whoever has the bad luck of doing a 12 h shift with me tomorrow), and after all this frantic activity I’ll finish it off with a nice cup of tea and a book. Exhausting, right?
Do they look good? Well, they taste even better ;) I copied the recipe many years ago from a packet of Nestlé fondant chocolate and it goes like this:
Ingredients:
• 200 gr. fondant chocolate
• 200 gr. sugar
• 200 gr. flour
• 125 gr. butter
• 3 eggs
• 200 gr. roughly chopped walnuts
Preparation:
Melt the chocolate and the butter in bain marie. Beat the eggs with the sugar and then add the melted chocolate and butter. Fold in the flour. Stir in the chopped walnuts. Pour into a rectangular oven dish and bake for 25 min. at 180º C.
Very simple and very yummy. If this inspires you to do some baking, enjoy!
Friday, 21 May 2010
Single life
As I approach my 30th birthday I keep thinking that I should be kind of settled, and I don't mean married and with kids, but at least have a sense of direction, either be in a stable relationship or have a job I want to keep until I retire... And then I look at myself and find someone in quite a lot of debt trying to get out of a messy divorce, having a job that I like but can't see myself doing long term (at least not in this company) and in a country I never envisaged myself living in. It's not all bad, but it's not good either. Don't get me wrong, I know there's millions of people in the world for whom my lifestyle is beyond their wildest dreams, but for most of us in the developed world is not something very conventional.
And daydreaming about all this is how I came across with the "9 tsubo house". It's a really clever Japanese design from the 1950s that was reinterpreted a few years ago by an architecture firm, and is now sold for the Japanese market. The idea is that it can make a good spacious home for a young family. And although I really like the simplicity of it I don’t see how a family can live in such a small space... Don't these people need privacy? However, for my western point of view it would make an amazing home for a dog loving spinster like my future self.
In case you get curious this is the website: http://www.9tubohouse.com/eng/index.html. It's not a very good one, mainly because not all of it is translated into English and most of us mortals can't read Japanese, but you can also google it and there is plenty of other articles all over the net...
I would like to find a guy to share my life with, but that's not likely to happen any time soon, if ever, so for the last few days I've been thinking... What if this is it? What if I never find that person? Am I going to turn into some bitter old spinster living alone in a house full of cats? Not very likely considering I hate cats. So how do I see myself living in let's say 20 years...
And this is where the fantasy starts: a little house at the top of a hill with a garden and 5 dogs (Labradors, Golden Retrievers, St. Bernards... you know what I'm talking about, proper dogs, not annoying barking rats), a teaching job in some rare school where work feels rewarding instead of a constant battle against spoilt brats, surrounded by a close net of family and friends, always busy with trips abroad or having visits from any of my long list of friends spread all over the world...
And daydreaming about all this is how I came across with the "9 tsubo house". It's a really clever Japanese design from the 1950s that was reinterpreted a few years ago by an architecture firm, and is now sold for the Japanese market. The idea is that it can make a good spacious home for a young family. And although I really like the simplicity of it I don’t see how a family can live in such a small space... Don't these people need privacy? However, for my western point of view it would make an amazing home for a dog loving spinster like my future self.
In case you get curious this is the website: http://www.9tubohouse.com/eng/index.html. It's not a very good one, mainly because not all of it is translated into English and most of us mortals can't read Japanese, but you can also google it and there is plenty of other articles all over the net...
Why now?
I keep thinking, why is it now a good time to start my own blog? I don't really have anything new to say, but for the first time in a very long time I have the time and, I hope, the drive to put some of my thoughts out there...
All this started over a year ago with a very painful breakup and a much needed relocation at work, with all the excitement about new people, new house, being closer to the family, etc. but it was all too exciting to actually sit down and reflect about what was going on with my life. But now that all the dust has settled, and we all finally got into our own daily routines I need to have a place to lay down my thoughts...
I admit it, this is my second try... The first one was marred by some emotional... let's call it excitement, but I'll go back to that at a later date.
Anyway, the first time round I was thinking that there should be some kind of topic to tie in all my digressions (is that a word?), i.e. food, architecture, movies, etc. but I'm not good enough at any of those things to base a whole blog on them, so my plan is to do little monographic articles on whatever attracts my attention, mixed with the usual diary style comments. Let's see how it goes...
All this started over a year ago with a very painful breakup and a much needed relocation at work, with all the excitement about new people, new house, being closer to the family, etc. but it was all too exciting to actually sit down and reflect about what was going on with my life. But now that all the dust has settled, and we all finally got into our own daily routines I need to have a place to lay down my thoughts...
I admit it, this is my second try... The first one was marred by some emotional... let's call it excitement, but I'll go back to that at a later date.
Anyway, the first time round I was thinking that there should be some kind of topic to tie in all my digressions (is that a word?), i.e. food, architecture, movies, etc. but I'm not good enough at any of those things to base a whole blog on them, so my plan is to do little monographic articles on whatever attracts my attention, mixed with the usual diary style comments. Let's see how it goes...
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