Holding Hands

I have never been big on public displays of affection, or private for that matter. And sometimes that makes me feel not only a bit out of place in a Mediterranean touchy-feely culture, but it may also make me come across as very rude and ungrateful. It sometimes bothers me, because people might get the wrong impression, but I still can’t help it. I can have very strong feelings about something and try my hardest not to show it, however, anyone who knows me will admit I am usually very clear when I don’t like something (doing something about it is a completely different matter) and I can imagine that must be quite difficult for other people. How can I be so indifferent and not express my opinions a bit more often, because I have them, believe me…

On the other hand, I don’t know how I would react if people around me acted as cold and stiff as I do. I’ve heard a friend tell me that I would not be able to deal with it because I’m so insecure that I would find difficult not having the constant reassurance of someone telling me what they think or hugging me or even just giving me an approving look, and it might be true, I just hope I don’t need that much reassurance to feel contented.

Thinking about all that, I remembered the anecdote someone told me a couple of months ago about sea otters holding hands. From what I could gather, they do it sometimes when they sleep to avoid drifting away. Excuse my ignorance but I had never heard of sea otters before, and I found the story very funny, even lame. On my usual expressionless tone, who cares about cuteness! But as it turns out, I was looking at a Facebook post by the same person, and I could not avoid aww-ing (probably not a word, just my own derivation of the expression aww!). They really are adorable!!!

To anyone suffering my apathy, I hope you can read between the lines, because there is something in here, I’m just not very good at showing it. And if I don’t like someone I don’t even make an effort to talk to them.

Apprehension

This week the weather has been terrible; windy, rainy, a big drop in temperatures… you name it. But that also made work a bit more exciting, like being forced into a rollercoaster every time you get close to an aircraft. I feel sorry for all those people with an irrational fear of flying, or the passenger who ended up crying with pain because she could not wait any more to go to the toilet during a very long go around, or the people who got completely soaked by a sudden torrential downpour while trying to board and aircraft… Oh, the joys of flying!

On a different kind of topic, my mood has also been like on a rollercoaster and ended up crying of frustration more than once. There are a lot of new people starting at work, and I don’t feel like meeting them or working with them or socialising with them, but I know I have to, it’s part of life, so I need to stop moaning and try to be nice to them before I carve myself a horrible reputation.

And then, there’s also been an opening for a different position within the company that I would love to get. I have already applied, so now I can only wait, and then probably wait a bit more, until I realise that I’m never going to be called for an interview. However, I’ve been having all those thoughts of how it would feel getting it, having to leave Porto and this house, struggling to settle in a new place, missing the people… and I was wondering if I would have applied so quickly if my situation was different. Would I risk ruining a relationship by moving away? Or would any man even take that into consideration if it was him deciding between his career and his personal life?

And, of course, after so much overthinking I got peckish and decided to bake another batch of cupcakes, coffee and walnut this time. I couldn’t wait to try my new muffin tin, although it’s not a tin because it’s made of silicone, and the result looks quite good, I think. This time I decided to take a recipe for a cake and turn it into muffins, much easier to handle, but I still have a few untested muffin recipes, so there will be more to come. And I don’t see the harm in something that makes me happy, so all those preconceited people who think my hobbies are sad or laughable can screw themselves (excuse my language).